X-posts & updates: My web page (Reviews) (Anecdotes)

Recap

I've had a very unhappy couple of days. I can't really place the reason, but I'll blame it on the episode of ER the other day. My whole life has been a bit colored by that event and I am just now getting over it. I can't believe I have become so sensitive.

I've had a busy couple of weeks of late. Last week I saw the premier of Van Helsing. I didn't really love it, but I though it was a good movie. I feel much the same about Troy which I saw this afternoon. My recent spate of movie-going has caused me to revive my movie-reviewing habits. On my website I've added Movie Reviews. I have only reviewed Troy as yet, but I will add Van Helsing soon and a few others. Notably, Near Dark, Peter Pan, and Captain & Commander. I don't always review new movies. I like to put down my thoughts on whatever I've rented lately or whatever I happen to be thinking about. I'll be reviewing music, and talking books as well. I like to look at my reviews more as a body of work than an incremental "News" sort of thing.

I have seen two movies in the theater lately. That is unusual for me. I met someone today. Tom is a friend of my son Joe. He is interested in Everquest and was the motivating factor in seeing Troy today.

In the course of making Tom's acquaintance, Joe nudged me into telling some of my "stories". This inspired me, in the midst of making the Movie Review site to install a page for anecdotes. If I collect sufficient of them I'll begin my Autobiography.

On retrospect, it sounds like I had a pretty good time the last two weeks or so. Why do I feel so bad about it?

Guilty

I didn't need to see it

I don't think I have had such a physical shock in many years. I watched the final episode of ER tonight and saw a woman in a traffic accident pinned against her car. I convulsed at seeing that. I wept a bit. I am still feeling very bad. I don't know how to shake this. It brought up horrible memories.

I didn't get there in time

Those of you who know me have heard the name Jeanneton. It was she with whom I adopted all the boys while I was in Miami. She passed away while the boys were still with us. I don't talk much about her and never discuss how she died save to say it was in a car accident. We were living at the Alexander at the time. She was crossing the parking lot and a man in a pickup truck backed up and pinned her against a car. She was nearly cut in half. I made it to the hospital while she was still in the Operating Room, but I had to come all the way from 99th and Flagler to get to Mt. Sanai on Michigan Avenue. They operated for nearly three hours, but she died in the operating room.

I didn't see it happen

I went to work early that day... early for me. I often showed up at FPL by 6:30 in the morning. That day I left Miami Beach before 4:30 and was at work not much after 5:00. The call came in at 9:00. I had been in a meeting since 8:00 and did not hear my messages until 10:00. Jeanneton and I argued the night before and I stomped out and went to work. That's what we argued about. I worked too much.

I didn't see it happen

I wasn't there when she was struck. I wasn't available when they called for consent. I wasn't available when they informed me where she was. I was working. I will always regret the impulse that kept me working when I had no need to work. I never saw the damage done to her. I didn't see the accident, nor the site, thank the fates for that. Tonight on ER I saw an accident similar enough to hers to shake me to the core. I can't stop thinking about it.

Sick Again

I've been feeling sick again. Damn it! I am tired of feeling like this.

My mood has been up and down on a 24 hour cycle for about six or seven days. I don't like the alternation. I slept well last night and am "up" on a "down" day, so maybe a full seven hours of sleep has turned things around.

I've been making fairly regular updates to my web site. The sons directory is gaining substantially. I how have an index page for each of the boys. So far there is nothing behind most of the index pages, and only one or two actually have any text but it is only a matter of time.

I lost my address book the other day. I don't know how but I managed to delete it so thoroughly that I can't even recover it from the recycle bin. I need to find a good free address book that won't use up my entire hard drive the way outlook does. If you have any ideas, let me know.